I went to a party. There was a charcoal grill, everything smelt lovely. Beer and cigarettes and laughter. About 5 emo-punk kids showed up in leather jackets. Black hair, skinny jeans, dreads, studded bracelets. They made themselves be known and perched upon the porch. The wind blew and the smoke charged in their direction. All […]

“Don’t let anybody tell you that you’re safe” I feel so trapped in my body (and my mind, but that’s for another page). In my long and arduous journey to make peace with my physical form, I’ve hit a wall. I preach so often about loving–worshipping yourself to everyone I see. It took me a […]

I’ve been having serious problems with my internal “fight or flight” lately. I want to fight so many people, so many things, so many wrongs. I don’t feel like I’m allowed. My greater instinct has always been flight–I have wings for a reason. I want so desperately to leave it all behind. I don’t want […]

Yesterday was my birthday. I guess I set the bar too high. I wanted to be with the people I love. It hurt to not be around water. Billiards was okay. Drinks were okay. Games were okay. I wanted them to go and they did. All I did was cry. Today I want to cry. […]

Arrested development. A plateau of progress. A deficiency. A lacking. The idea that one has never, or has ceased having the physical or mental capacity to care for oneself. The opposite of a self-made human. A perpetual child of need. Dependent. Is it an inability? Or an unwillingness? I don’t know.

A bleeding heart is not weaker than a cold one. Fight of plight. The world is not soft. You must be strong–your survival depends on it. Strength is not quantifiable. It is not limited to your body or your willpower. There are many ways one can be “strong”, love is not a handicap. Love is […]

It is 8pm on a Sunday. It is so quiet. All the neighbors lights are off and no one seems to be stirring. I cannot see into their Mungo boxes. A child cries, a dog barks, no cars are driving past. I want so desperately to make noise. To take up space. To exist, to […]

You are not timeless. You are relevant. Everything that everyone does is pertinent. I know. I know this. Empiricism. The passage of time. Days and months and years. I understand. Cells and protons and electrons and choices. I understand how it works. I am real, I see things and I comprehend them. Within the most […]

I can make art. I will create lovely things. I am a beautiful thing. I will not give up and I will make art. My art will make me proud and happy. I will create art that makes someone feel the way “ANGEL” (https://www.paoloraeli.com) makes me feel. I will inspire myself. I will inspire people. I […]

Go home. Go home and make peace with your father. Go home and talk to your mother the way she longed to speak with her own. Go home and tell your sister that she was right and you are sorry. Go home and tell your brothers that you love them and you couldn’t do it […]